


please pick up now

by stray_dog_sick



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas, Drug Use, Multi, Suicide Attempt, drug overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 13:17:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11737839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stray_dog_sick/pseuds/stray_dog_sick
Summary: He hadn't been okay since September, but especially not on Christmas Eve.





	please pick up now

**Author's Note:**

> peru story: wrote this on my ten hour flight to bogota. good times.
> 
> title from 'please don't jump (it's christmas)' by dallon weekes.
> 
> re: the tags:  
> -the entire fic is basically one character talking another out of suicide  
> -a character dies pre-fic from an overdose  
> -brendon urie smokes a lot of weed. like, he's not high in this fic, but he's been very high pre-fic.  
> keep yourselves safe kiddos.

Dallon sat at the window in his childhood bedroom, watching snow swirl in the wind before settling on whatever flat surface it found first. The only sound was Breezy’s snoring behind him. It was peaceful, which was rare for him. These days he split his time between two loud children and Brendon, who was like a child himself.

Brendon. Dallon could write a thousand songs about the man and still not be out of words. Breezy was the love of his life, of course, but he couldn’t deny that he felt _something_ for the singer. Brendon, with his large smile and bright eyes, had crawled into Dallon’s life and burrowed in deep.

So it was peaceful until his phone started ringing.

He smiled when he saw Brendon’s contact picture. The call was inevitable, although it had come later than expected. Dallon had left California early that morning to visit his parents in Utah for Christmas and knew Brendon would check in at some point. He usually had the sense not to call at 3 AM, though.

“Hey, kid,” Dallon answered fondly. “Why are you awake at this ungodly hour?”

“Thou shalt not use the Lord’s name in vain,” Brendon muttered. Well, at least he still remembered something from his Mormon upbringing. “Can’t sleep. You?”

“The same,” Dallon admitted. He got up and headed down to the kitchen so that his talking wouldn’t wake his wife up. “How are you?”

“Do you even wonder if there’s a point to all this?” Brendon said, avoiding and yet somehow answering Dallon’s question.

“Define ‘this’. The band?” Dallon asked although he was fairly sure that wasn’t the answer.

“Just in general,” Brendon replied, confirming Dallon’s suspicions.

“Is this about Spencer?” he asked, although he knew the answer to that question too. It was always about Spencer. Brendon echoed that thought over the phone. “Where are you?” was Dallon’s next question.

“Uh, up on the roof of a hotel.”

Brendon’s response sent shivers down Dallon’s spine. That didn’t sound like it would end well. “Are you okay?” he asked. He had to ask.

“I haven’t been okay since September,” Brendon said, laughing bitterly. “But especially not tonight.”

September had been a hard time for the band, but especially Brendon. They’d lost Spencer, young and smiley Spencer, who’d traded his childhood best friend for pills and booze until one day he took more than his body could handle.

Dallon had been upset, of course. He’d known Spencer for what, 4 years? 5? He lost track. Zack kept saying he’d quit his job. For him, Dallon supposed, it was like losing a child. God, Spencer was so young. He forgot, sometimes, how young Brendon and Spencer were since they’d been in the music business for so long. 27 was far too young to die.

Nobody had seen Brendon for a week after they found out. He’d been a mess. Dallon was sure there’d been more weed smoke than oxygen in Brendon’s lungs for a month and a half. The kid had lost his best friend so he can see why. Brendon had been a mess since 2009, really, but Spencer had kept him from going over the edge.

Dallon still had no idea if they were just friends or if Brendon had managed to seduce bassist _and_ his drummer. Add Ryan to the mix, and he’d gained a full set over the years.

“I just want him back,” Brendon said, forcing Dallon out of his negative thoughts and memories. “I miss him so much.”

Brendon’s voice was breaking, sending static down the line. His sobs were deafening compared to the silence of Dallon’s kitchen.

“I know, Bren, I miss him too,” he reassured his friend. “But he’s gone, okay?”

“Maybe I could be gone too,” Brendon said. Dallon remembered, suddenly, where Brendon was. What Brendon was planning to do.

“Brendon, that’s not the answer. You know that’s not a solution,” Dallon said. He felt so helpless, here in a house miles and miles away from California, where he was needed most.

“But what’s the point, Dallon? What’s the point, if everybody I care about just leaves, Ryan and Jon and-”

Brendon’s reply cut off, and Dallon looked at his phone to see he’d lost his signal. That was the worst possible time for the snowstorm outside to block the signal. He began calling back immediately, but it rang through to answer phone twice. “Please pick up,” Dallon muttered over and over, sighing in relief when the call finally went through.

“See?” Brendon’s reply was short but cutting, making Dallon feel bad about something he had no control over.

“I’m sorry, there’s a storm,” he replied, hoping Brendon would believe him. “I’m still here, okay?”

“Yeah, but for how long?”

“For as long as you need me. I promise.”

Apparently, this was the wrong thing to say, although at this point Dallon had no idea what Brendon wanted from him.

“I know someone else who said that and now he’s rotting somewhere in Las Vegas,” Brendon laughed, but nothing about the situation was funny. “Give me one good reason not to step off this damn building.”

Dallon blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “It’s Christmas,” he said. “Please don’t jump. It’s Christmas.”

“Christmas? Is that all you’ve got? The only person I have left to celebrate with is Sarah, and she went to see her parents without me. Spencer was my family, Dallon,” Brendon was switching between anger and sorrow too fast for Dallon to keep up with. “Nobody cares.”

“I care, okay? I love you!” Dallon blurted out. He was almost yelling by now, probably waking up the whole house, but he didn’t care. This was more important. “I love you.”

Brendon was silent, and Dallon hoped it was just from shock. He was shocked himself at the outburst, something he’d barely admitted to himself, let alone said out loud. “Please don’t die. You can’t die. It’s Christmas, and I love you, and you can’t die!”

Dallon was startled by arms around his waist, and he turned to see Breezy behind him. She reached up and wiped tears from his cheeks. He hadn’t even realised he was crying.

“Promise me,” Brendon said. “Promise me you won’t leave.”

“I won’t leave, I won’t, I promise,” Dallon made a mental note to delete the email he’d been drafting about only wanting to be a touring member. “And it’s not just me. You’ve got Sarah, and Zack, and Pete, and so many other people who care about you.”

“I’m getting down,” Brendon said, voice muffled. “I’m getting down.”

Dallon breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Good, that’s good. Look, I’ll cut the trip short, okay? I’ll be back in California in a couple of days.”

“See you soon,” Brendon replied, before ending the call. This time the silence was music to Dallon’s ears.

He leant his head on Breezy’s shoulder. It was times like these where he was glad he told her everything. “We’ll drive back after dinner tomorrow,” she said. “Go look after him, baby.”

“I will,” he said, kissing her on the cheek. “I love you,” he said, letting her lead him back upstairs.

He loved her, but he’d go to the end of the world and back to keep Brendon happy.


End file.
